Life takes us to interesting places and leads us down paths that we may ultimately not be ready for. But what can we do? Take a detour? "Oh sorry Life, I'm just not ready for that road. Bring me back here in...hmm...let's say 5 years? How does that sound?" HA-HA-HA. Like Life would agree to that. We'll eventually come back to the same place and end up where we didn't want to be the first time around. So instead of avoiding what may happen tomorrow or 10 years down the line, why not just take a different approach?
There are things in our lives that we so desperately want to control. Within the insane chaos of my own, I felt that controlling that one thing or object or whatever it was gave me some sort of security and reassurance. I thought I needed it to be able to get away from the life I couldn't control. Sure, I have hopes and dreams, short term goals and long term goals, and ambitions, but there is so little control of the outcome that I desire when I still live under the tyrannical rule of the parental units. (Well...they aren't that tyrannical but you get my drift...or maybe you don't...think "Asian Parents"). Anyways, in the end, I was hurt by it more than helped.
So a large part of me gave up. Not in a bad, "the world is coming to an end," kind of way, but more of a "maybe if I stopped caring so much, it'll just happen the way I want it to." Naive, but I learned that it's better to be hopeful than to be stressed out about things that are out of my grasp. Although, I don't think I'll ever stop being frustrated about it. "IT," yes, I'm being vague, but we all have our own "its" so fill in whatever yours is. No matter how much I want 'it' to change ('it' being anything, get over the vagueness), I don't think it ever will. And honestly, I don't know if I'm okay with that. Sure, I tell myself, "you're okay with it...you'll get used to it...eventually." But will I really? Will we all really be okay with our "its?" Stupid internal plagues...anyone know a good exterminator?
I still hold hope that one day my 'it' will disappate into nothing but a bad dream. (I know I know, cliche alert!) But really, I hope it will...I know that it will never happen. Still, I think I'll hold on for now.