wish list: things I don't really need but really want

making a list might encourage me to save up and actually purchase something...

1. BBT - $500

2. Ukulele - $200

3. Authentic Cowboy Boots (size 6.5) - $150+

4. A cute chain link black purse - $20+

5. All the shoes I want!

more to come!


hm...I don't know which one to start saving up for first...




peace, love, and shoes

mis- & take: the bad, the latin, and the incorrectly translated

We all make mistakes. Sometimes our mistakes are small, like tripping on your shoelace and breaking the cup you're holding. Other times, our mistakes are big and life altering, and not necessarily just your life. Looking back on the last 4 years, I feel as though many of the mistakes I made were due to fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of love, fear of loss, fear of losing control, fear of control, fear of disappointment, and even fear of making mistakes. What was I so scared of? All of the fears seem juvenile and silly....As I grow older and hopefully, more mature, I am more aware of the fear that surrounds many of the decisions I make in life. 


What am I so scared of? Maybe fear itself. 


Spending most of my days alone means I think...a lot. I think about everything from the mistakes I've made to what's going right in my life, if anything (excuse my negativity). It's too late to fix the mistakes...but I wish I could...at least the ones that keep me up at night. There are times when I think...if only I was stronger...I would have gotten out before [blank] happened. Then voila! the mistake would have never occurred. 
if only I was a better girlfriend...if only I was a better person...if only I was more confidant...if only I had the courage...


And after overly thinking, possibly to death, I find that I am even more disappointed in myself because I couldn't muster up the courage to prevent a mistake from happening. A lot of things that happen in life are out of my control, and no matter how much I deny it, it's still going to happen. Ojala que...God wills it. I just need a better way to deal with it. 


I wish I could turn back time. There are so many things I would have done differently...But now I know better. I know to love unconditionally, to live in the moment, and to fake courage when necessary. I knew these things before but I never really acted on them. I'm really trying to turn things around, hopefully gain some good karma on the way, I'm going to live life now, not later, not tomorrow, but now. 


one day, I will come to terms with all of my mistakes. too bad today isn't that day.






if only.


peace, love, and surviving