I've seen so many people around me get hurt or fucked over by the opposite sex, including myself. So I decided to start a series of lessons that will help you open your eyes and find the right person. Hopefully these lessons can help you realize what kind of world you actually live in. Enjoy!
LESSON 1
Most guys are douche bags.
Most girls are bitches.
The douche bags will fuck you over because...well they're douche bags.
The bitches will play you and then ditch you. They're bitches...do you expect any less?
And almost all of these people cheat, have cheated, or will cheat. The few that say they don't can go fuck themselves because they're lying.
Welcome to the real world. People lie, cheat, and fuck around. Why? Because they feel like it. It sucks but it's the truth.
peace, love, and surviving.
Saturday, October 23
Friday, September 3
an overflowing mind, shaking hands, and a heavy heart
I hate sitting around. Sitting around means that I think too much....
Lately, I've been thinking about my relationships with people...past, present, and future...strangers, acquaintances, friends, best friends, lovers...what went wrong, what I can do more of, what I can change, what I can push for, what I want out of it, etc.
I fell head over heels, blinded by the sudden romance and the promising signs of adventure. Sure, it took me a while to admit that I was actually in love but the chase was exhilarating. And fueled by the chase, I forgot to open my eyes and watch what I was getting myself into. I let these so called emotions dictate everything, justifying to myself that it was more than some chemical reaction in my brain, that it was the real deal. After closing my eyes the whole journey through, I finally opened them. Worse timing EVER. Couple months after everything fell apart, I got advice that may have saved me from the heartbreak.
Open your eyes when you're looking for love. Close them once you've found love.
Why couldn't you have told me this a couple years ago??? It would have saved a lot of people the heartache they went through. I'm still trying to deal with it...well I've put off dealing with it for a couple months now and once in a while I think about it and I just put it off again because I just don't know where to start the healing process. I know it wasn't just me that got hurt but I've been ignoring the fact that I got hurt because I honestly don't know how to bounce back from it.
Where do I even start? I keep reading all these articles in magazines where step 1 is gorge on ice cream and watch chick flicks in sweats. That is the shittiest step 1 I've ever heard. Not only will you probably not get over him but you'll probably get so fat eating ice cream that the sweat pants that you used to wear for comfort, will now become a permanent part of your wardrobe.
Thanks Seventeen Magazine, you've officially made thousands of women fat asses after their breakups.
Even though I'm ranting about how much I got hurt and how hard it is moving forward, I know that I would never be able to resist him. No matter how bad things were or how bad things might get, I'll continue to struggle with saying no. It's silly because I have such an easy time standing up to everyone else but (NERD ALERT: if you can't stand nerdiness, skip ahead) I feel like a space shuttle flying towards the black hole unable to maneuver from getting sucked in. And maybe it's because I can't imagine losing my best friend and someone I love at the same time. People who know me well, understand that I have a hard time opening up and making close friends. But in general, I just have a hard time opening up...and then one day, I found someone who seemed to understand me and the things I was going through. He made it so easy to say things about myself or my experiences, that I couldn't help but fall hard and deeply in love.
Everyone tells me that at a certain point in their lives, they begin to remember the good things and forget the bad. Maybe I haven't hit that point in my life yet because I barely remember the good things and almost always are reminded of what went wrong. Yet, after everything that's happened, I'm still so naive and trusting. I know that people won't change but why do I keep holding onto the thought that he'll change? I've worked so hard to be that strong person from before and he doesn't even notice.
my heart hurts...and still it goes unnoticed.
I know I'm lying to myself that he'll be different, that he's changed, that he'll love me as I am...maybe if I lie to myself enough, it'll come true. I'll continue to hope for the best and stay optimistic.
Love me-today-yesterday....Oh continue to love me-never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine
Ever mine
Ever ours
Lately, I've been thinking about my relationships with people...past, present, and future...strangers, acquaintances, friends, best friends, lovers...what went wrong, what I can do more of, what I can change, what I can push for, what I want out of it, etc.
I fell head over heels, blinded by the sudden romance and the promising signs of adventure. Sure, it took me a while to admit that I was actually in love but the chase was exhilarating. And fueled by the chase, I forgot to open my eyes and watch what I was getting myself into. I let these so called emotions dictate everything, justifying to myself that it was more than some chemical reaction in my brain, that it was the real deal. After closing my eyes the whole journey through, I finally opened them. Worse timing EVER. Couple months after everything fell apart, I got advice that may have saved me from the heartbreak.
Open your eyes when you're looking for love. Close them once you've found love.
Why couldn't you have told me this a couple years ago??? It would have saved a lot of people the heartache they went through. I'm still trying to deal with it...well I've put off dealing with it for a couple months now and once in a while I think about it and I just put it off again because I just don't know where to start the healing process. I know it wasn't just me that got hurt but I've been ignoring the fact that I got hurt because I honestly don't know how to bounce back from it.
Where do I even start? I keep reading all these articles in magazines where step 1 is gorge on ice cream and watch chick flicks in sweats. That is the shittiest step 1 I've ever heard. Not only will you probably not get over him but you'll probably get so fat eating ice cream that the sweat pants that you used to wear for comfort, will now become a permanent part of your wardrobe.
Thanks Seventeen Magazine, you've officially made thousands of women fat asses after their breakups.
Even though I'm ranting about how much I got hurt and how hard it is moving forward, I know that I would never be able to resist him. No matter how bad things were or how bad things might get, I'll continue to struggle with saying no. It's silly because I have such an easy time standing up to everyone else but (NERD ALERT: if you can't stand nerdiness, skip ahead) I feel like a space shuttle flying towards the black hole unable to maneuver from getting sucked in. And maybe it's because I can't imagine losing my best friend and someone I love at the same time. People who know me well, understand that I have a hard time opening up and making close friends. But in general, I just have a hard time opening up...and then one day, I found someone who seemed to understand me and the things I was going through. He made it so easy to say things about myself or my experiences, that I couldn't help but fall hard and deeply in love.
Everyone tells me that at a certain point in their lives, they begin to remember the good things and forget the bad. Maybe I haven't hit that point in my life yet because I barely remember the good things and almost always are reminded of what went wrong. Yet, after everything that's happened, I'm still so naive and trusting. I know that people won't change but why do I keep holding onto the thought that he'll change? I've worked so hard to be that strong person from before and he doesn't even notice.
my heart hurts...and still it goes unnoticed.
I know I'm lying to myself that he'll be different, that he's changed, that he'll love me as I am...maybe if I lie to myself enough, it'll come true. I'll continue to hope for the best and stay optimistic.
Love me-today-yesterday....Oh continue to love me-never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine
Ever mine
Ever ours
Tuesday, August 17
wish list: things I don't really need but really want
making a list might encourage me to save up and actually purchase something...
1. BBT - $500
2. Ukulele - $200
3. Authentic Cowboy Boots (size 6.5) - $150+
4. A cute chain link black purse - $20+
5. All the shoes I want!
more to come!
hm...I don't know which one to start saving up for first...
peace, love, and shoes
2. Ukulele - $200
3. Authentic Cowboy Boots (size 6.5) - $150+
4. A cute chain link black purse - $20+
5. All the shoes I want!
more to come!
hm...I don't know which one to start saving up for first...
peace, love, and shoes
Thursday, August 12
mis- & take: the bad, the latin, and the incorrectly translated
We all make mistakes. Sometimes our mistakes are small, like tripping on your shoelace and breaking the cup you're holding. Other times, our mistakes are big and life altering, and not necessarily just your life. Looking back on the last 4 years, I feel as though many of the mistakes I made were due to fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of love, fear of loss, fear of losing control, fear of control, fear of disappointment, and even fear of making mistakes. What was I so scared of? All of the fears seem juvenile and silly....As I grow older and hopefully, more mature, I am more aware of the fear that surrounds many of the decisions I make in life.
What am I so scared of? Maybe fear itself.
Spending most of my days alone means I think...a lot. I think about everything from the mistakes I've made to what's going right in my life, if anything (excuse my negativity). It's too late to fix the mistakes...but I wish I could...at least the ones that keep me up at night. There are times when I think...if only I was stronger...I would have gotten out before [blank] happened. Then voila! the mistake would have never occurred.
if only I was a better girlfriend...if only I was a better person...if only I was more confidant...if only I had the courage...
And after overly thinking, possibly to death, I find that I am even more disappointed in myself because I couldn't muster up the courage to prevent a mistake from happening. A lot of things that happen in life are out of my control, and no matter how much I deny it, it's still going to happen. Ojala que...God wills it. I just need a better way to deal with it.
I wish I could turn back time. There are so many things I would have done differently...But now I know better. I know to love unconditionally, to live in the moment, and to fake courage when necessary. I knew these things before but I never really acted on them. I'm really trying to turn things around, hopefully gain some good karma on the way, I'm going to live life now, not later, not tomorrow, but now.
one day, I will come to terms with all of my mistakes. too bad today isn't that day.
if only.
peace, love, and surviving
What am I so scared of? Maybe fear itself.
Spending most of my days alone means I think...a lot. I think about everything from the mistakes I've made to what's going right in my life, if anything (excuse my negativity). It's too late to fix the mistakes...but I wish I could...at least the ones that keep me up at night. There are times when I think...if only I was stronger...I would have gotten out before [blank] happened. Then voila! the mistake would have never occurred.
if only I was a better girlfriend...if only I was a better person...if only I was more confidant...if only I had the courage...
And after overly thinking, possibly to death, I find that I am even more disappointed in myself because I couldn't muster up the courage to prevent a mistake from happening. A lot of things that happen in life are out of my control, and no matter how much I deny it, it's still going to happen. Ojala que...God wills it. I just need a better way to deal with it.
I wish I could turn back time. There are so many things I would have done differently...But now I know better. I know to love unconditionally, to live in the moment, and to fake courage when necessary. I knew these things before but I never really acted on them. I'm really trying to turn things around, hopefully gain some good karma on the way, I'm going to live life now, not later, not tomorrow, but now.
one day, I will come to terms with all of my mistakes. too bad today isn't that day.
if only.
peace, love, and surviving
Wednesday, July 28
DMZ: demons, minions, and zebras? what the fuck?
There are times you find yourself in a minefield. You can't step forward or backwards because you might cause an explosion. Solution? Call for help.
now only if you would pick up the phone....
peace, love, and hope
now only if you would pick up the phone....
peace, love, and hope
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